wpadminThere is no room in a healthy relationship for score-keeping. The moment that starts, the relationship is doomed. Doomed to break up, or doomed to settling.
When you notice that your partner is doing more than you, it’s time to have a loving conversation.An example is, “I’m up to my eyeballs with the kids today. I know you’ve been working all day, but it sure would be nice if you could load the dishwasher for me. Would you mind?” Making a request by letting him know he’s worked hard as well will keep his heart open to wanting to show you how much he cares.
If you do something to ‘even the score,’ then it isn’t given from the heart, for the pleasure of pleasing your partner. If the desire to please isn’t part of giving and doing for, then the recipient will feel it and you will have defeated your purpose. So if you can’t give simply for the pleasure of making your partner happy, then you need to take a look at that. Otherwise, it will eventually poison the love that brought you together.
If you do something to manipulate your partner into doing something for you, that isn’t honest, it’s sneaky. And he will feel it and resent what you’re trying to do.
Love is all about energy. When you share loving energy, it feels good and you both want more of it. It’s what keep you connected and bonded. The moment the energy gets sullied by anything negative, you’ll both feel it, even if you’re not conscious of it. That energy of love is precious, you absolutely must guard it and keep it pure.
A good way to avoid falling into the score-keeping trap is when you notice that your partner never, or seldom (fill in the blank), then remind yourself how he enhances your life in other ways. Most score-keeping emanates from built-up resentments. And the only way resentment can build up is if you don’t speak up.
But you need to speak up from your heart. When you do that, ego can’t interfere. You don’t want ego to enter the conversation because the ego is the spoiled, insecure, scared child. Ego doesn’t know about compassion and considering the other persons perspective, wants and needs.
The ONLY way to have a truly successful, fulfilling relationship is if it’s heart based. Keeping score will kill love.
